You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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