she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
