all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
