I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
