No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
