What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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