we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
