I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
