im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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