i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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