I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
