whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
