the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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