i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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