I could have mohawked her pubes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
