Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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