Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
