Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
