Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
