Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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