Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
