I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
