You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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