My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
