i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
