he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My breasts were aching with rage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
