Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
