Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
