We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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