Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
