I'd wear matching sweaters with you
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
