I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
