if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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