she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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