the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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