i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
