my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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