Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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