Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
