Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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