Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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