dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
