Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we're so committed to being not committed
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