put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
