If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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