And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
