I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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