AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
