My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
