There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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