i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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