My nipple is on Facebook.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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