she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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