we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
