someone get that fucking seahorse.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
