so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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