Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
