so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
