I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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