okay pat passed out under dana's car
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
