I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
