If that was your dad, he is hot
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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