How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That accounts for only three of the penises
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
