Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
