I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
