I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
