i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
