Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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