Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pants are for mortals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
