Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
