Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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