I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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