YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
