There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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