dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
