Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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