he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
