i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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