he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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