Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
