You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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