I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
